turns out there are still some things I really want in life that are not Christ

The Lord is my shepherd;
I
shall
not
want.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him."

PMS is really an awful thing. The physical pain and fatigue sucks, but it's what comes out of the mouth of a hormonal-ly unstable woman that is the worst. We know better, but we can't help but really be hurt by the things our friends say or do during their time of month. Or when they're sleep-deprived, stressed, irritated, depressed, just unwell.

This week has been my friend's week. I didn't know this until after we worked together for several hours on a group project. Not fun. I found myself near tears at some point. I tried not to dwell on it, And I didn't hold it against her, but it triggered a whole host of bitter memories from years ago as I was walking back to my room.

She explained / apologized - everything's fine now. But it got me thinking about how to respond when we're flooded with emotions like these. How do we use our sword, God's Word, to combat low self-esteem and heart injuries (or the guilt of inflicting low self-esteem and heart injuries) as we're tempted to let these deceitful thoughts sink in, or as the memories come rushing back? What are some good verses to bury in our hearts, so that we are not caught off guard.

Here's one verse that really comforts me (and that might sound vaguely familiar to you worship music listeners)

"Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

Amen. Praise Him for being our Perfect Healer, Comforter, Restorer, and Truth. No sin of ours or of others is too great for Him.

Love One Another

I went to HCA yesterday to fellowship with brother D and sister H one last time before their next chapter in life in Arizona. About this same time a year ago, 1 Corinthians convicted me to commit to HCC for the remainder of my time in CCF, and there is much joy in His direction. But it is always indeed such a blessing to spend a Sunday or weekday night with the brothers and sisters at HCA. Few things are more humbling than God's presence in a praying congregation full of broken and contrite hearts.

Many, many things touched me, even to tears, this past Sunday - prayers, lyrics, Scripture, anecdotes and small testimonies, even a simple glance between sisters, and the encouragement from D&H to the body, from the body to D&H.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Be hidden in Christ.
He is merciful.
And D's closing word - Love One Another.

I just came back from a retreat essentially about Loving One Another.

I have often been appalled at how little and impure my love for Christ is. I am also often appalled at how little I truly love others - Christian, non-Christian, even those I am closest to. I know this, but I'm still blown away when I realize this once again - that there is absolutely no good in just myself. Let my words, action and reputation among people who like me not deceive me. I forget the things most important to them, I go back inside to get them a blanket and bread and never come back, I don't fully rejoice in their joys, nor fully suffer in their suffering. I have grieved the Spirit time and time again not because I have had huge hurdles to jump in obeying His urgings, but because of my sheer laziness, cowardice, instinctive stubbornness, and blinding inward focus (part of the reason why I stopped blogging so much).

Yet I am (and we who have put our hope in Christ are) crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. He lives in me. And He waits for the moment that I fully invite Him to now work in me.


Held onto by the mercy of God and the mercy of brothers and sisters, we pray and pray for this kind of heart:

"The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease." (John the Baptist)

"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." (Paul)

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (James)

"Oh! it is so sweet to die with Christ, To the world, and self, and sin
Oh! it is so sweet to live with Christ, As He lives and reigns within"

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."