homesick
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Matt 11:28-30 has been coming up a lot.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It's great to find songs that are straight-up Scripture set to a melody. Makes it easy to remember.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
in-to-me-see
"You are too hard on yourself."
There are two specific people in my life who have said this to me. The first told me during my senior year of high school, during a time when it felt like everything was caving in. The other, yesterday, during a comparably difficult night.
I realize the two share a number of very special qualities. From the start, I could tell that both of them had an incredible freedom in Christ, a deeply rooted intimacy with the King, and a genuine compassion for every soul whose path they crossed. And in their youth, although they had their share of flaws, they seemed to come closest to a complete oneness with Him among almost everyone I knew. These are all things that I had always admired, yearned for, sometimes even coveted.
They shared a lot of the same special struggles, now that I think about it, as well - particularly homesickness on earth, the definition of love, a severe stripping down of the ability to minister to others.
They knew how to sense turmoil and took the initiative to bring those walls down and encourage me and just be there - this is a rare thing.
And what they said to me is something that really baffles me but that deep down I know is true. I know them well enough to know that these words weren't a cheap albeit good-intentioned attempt to cheer me up. I don't know whether to call it encouragement, comfort, exhortation, rebuke, or all four, but it was true.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. Staring point-blank at this part of my life seems fruitless and makes it harder for me to be objective about it. I only end up with eyes that burn and water.
All I know to do is to kneel and pray and return to the foot of the cross once more. Maybe that is all I need to and can do. This seems to be the truth in every circumstance of life. Maybe in fact trying to do something about it, at least at the moment, will only make things worse.
Love is perfect. Love does not deceive. Love rejoices with the truth. Love covers a multitude of sins. Love never fails. His love endures forever.
I guess this is just a long-winded way of saying that He's calling me back to my first love, telling me let go of how tightly I cling to what I lack and what I want in my walk with Him, letting Him pursue me with His love, whatever that means...
oh God, I want so much and know so little.
I'm in love with You
For You have called me child
There are two specific people in my life who have said this to me. The first told me during my senior year of high school, during a time when it felt like everything was caving in. The other, yesterday, during a comparably difficult night.
I realize the two share a number of very special qualities. From the start, I could tell that both of them had an incredible freedom in Christ, a deeply rooted intimacy with the King, and a genuine compassion for every soul whose path they crossed. And in their youth, although they had their share of flaws, they seemed to come closest to a complete oneness with Him among almost everyone I knew. These are all things that I had always admired, yearned for, sometimes even coveted.
They shared a lot of the same special struggles, now that I think about it, as well - particularly homesickness on earth, the definition of love, a severe stripping down of the ability to minister to others.
They knew how to sense turmoil and took the initiative to bring those walls down and encourage me and just be there - this is a rare thing.
And what they said to me is something that really baffles me but that deep down I know is true. I know them well enough to know that these words weren't a cheap albeit good-intentioned attempt to cheer me up. I don't know whether to call it encouragement, comfort, exhortation, rebuke, or all four, but it was true.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. Staring point-blank at this part of my life seems fruitless and makes it harder for me to be objective about it. I only end up with eyes that burn and water.
All I know to do is to kneel and pray and return to the foot of the cross once more. Maybe that is all I need to and can do. This seems to be the truth in every circumstance of life. Maybe in fact trying to do something about it, at least at the moment, will only make things worse.
Love is perfect. Love does not deceive. Love rejoices with the truth. Love covers a multitude of sins. Love never fails. His love endures forever.
I guess this is just a long-winded way of saying that He's calling me back to my first love, telling me let go of how tightly I cling to what I lack and what I want in my walk with Him, letting Him pursue me with His love, whatever that means...
oh God, I want so much and know so little.
I'm in love with You
For You have called me child
Sunday, March 27, 2011
He loves the significant and the insignificant alike.
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Matt 5:1-5
Even after wrestling so long and hard with insignificance and true significance, I forget. Or rather, I remember less.
It's the small things that reveal I have yet to fully have His heart for the people who others don't think are worth their time.
Dear reader, significant or insignificant among men,
know that you are precious in His sight.
He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Matt 5:1-5
Even after wrestling so long and hard with insignificance and true significance, I forget. Or rather, I remember less.
It's the small things that reveal I have yet to fully have His heart for the people who others don't think are worth their time.
Dear reader, significant or insignificant among men,
know that you are precious in His sight.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
the rundown
noms: Green & Black 85% cacao organic dark chocolate
ponderings: Conor Oberst; the body language of feet
people: K, J, M back in San Jo
heart-warmer: flowers from E
struggles: being quicker to lay down blessings at the feet of the One who gave them to me, particularly blessings in social life. pride.
caution: said blessings trumping time with God, obedience to (and appreciation for) parents
something cool: the really cool analogy the guy leading 1 Kings Bible study today (need to learn his name...) made between the stones of the Temple (1 Kings 6:7. prefab, baby!)and the body (1 Peter 2:5) Wish I had more time to expound upon this.
want: I wish I better understood the architectural significance of the Tabernacle and the Temple. The Pentateuch has some parts that are hard to get through, but all the detail God wanted in the construction of His dwelling place and the craftsmanship of everything in it is really quite amazing if you think about it.
to do: EVERYTHING...I'm going to sleep before I can start panicking.
ponderings: Conor Oberst; the body language of feet
people: K, J, M back in San Jo
heart-warmer: flowers from E
struggles: being quicker to lay down blessings at the feet of the One who gave them to me, particularly blessings in social life. pride.
caution: said blessings trumping time with God, obedience to (and appreciation for) parents
something cool: the really cool analogy the guy leading 1 Kings Bible study today (need to learn his name...) made between the stones of the Temple (1 Kings 6:7. prefab, baby!)and the body (1 Peter 2:5) Wish I had more time to expound upon this.
want: I wish I better understood the architectural significance of the Tabernacle and the Temple. The Pentateuch has some parts that are hard to get through, but all the detail God wanted in the construction of His dwelling place and the craftsmanship of everything in it is really quite amazing if you think about it.
to do: EVERYTHING...I'm going to sleep before I can start panicking.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I feel it all
Going to a school where everyone is two or three degrees of separation apart makes life pretty 재미있어. :)
So, maybe I will struggle with knowing if/how what I'm studying fits in with His will until I graduate, or even after years of working.
In any case, I'm really grateful that I'm here.
So, maybe I will struggle with knowing if/how what I'm studying fits in with His will until I graduate, or even after years of working.
In any case, I'm really grateful that I'm here.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
John Wesley's self-examination questions
Caren passed these on to me earlier this year, and I forgot how good they were until I saw the bookmark today. Hope these help you in your battle against sin and fight to know, love, and savor Him above all else.
1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Do I confidentially pass on to others what has been said to me in confidence?
3. Can I be trusted?
4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
6. Did the Bible live in me today?
7. Do I give the Bible time to speak to me every day?
8. Am I enjoying prayer?
9. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?
10. Do I pray about the money I spend?
11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
12. Do I disobey God in anything?
13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
16. How do I spend my spare time?
17. Am I proud?
18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?
19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?
20. Do I grumble or complain constantly?
21. Is Christ real to me?
"Encourage one another daily . . . so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -- Hebrews 3:13
1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Do I confidentially pass on to others what has been said to me in confidence?
3. Can I be trusted?
4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
6. Did the Bible live in me today?
7. Do I give the Bible time to speak to me every day?
8. Am I enjoying prayer?
9. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?
10. Do I pray about the money I spend?
11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
12. Do I disobey God in anything?
13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
16. How do I spend my spare time?
17. Am I proud?
18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?
19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?
20. Do I grumble or complain constantly?
21. Is Christ real to me?
"Encourage one another daily . . . so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -- Hebrews 3:13
Thursday, March 3, 2011
when Peter realized how much he loved Jesus
from today's Utmost:
Peter now realizes that he does love Him, due to the revelation that came with the Lord’s piercing question. The Lord’s next point is— “Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just ’Feed My sheep.’ ”
Yesterday's Utmost was about Peter's profound realization of his love for Jesus through Jesus' deeply piercing questions. I don't fully understand this (and probably won't until it happens to me), but I'm hoping that eventually Jesus will make me as sure of my love for Him as Peter was, and there will be no need for proof, only a passion to feed His sheep. I'm hoping too that God will help me, so prone to both haste and laziness, to discern the difference between loving with His love and loving with my own. I am probably going to fail at this many, many times. :P In the mean time though, I'll do my best.
Peter now realizes that he does love Him, due to the revelation that came with the Lord’s piercing question. The Lord’s next point is— “Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just ’Feed My sheep.’ ”
Yesterday's Utmost was about Peter's profound realization of his love for Jesus through Jesus' deeply piercing questions. I don't fully understand this (and probably won't until it happens to me), but I'm hoping that eventually Jesus will make me as sure of my love for Him as Peter was, and there will be no need for proof, only a passion to feed His sheep. I'm hoping too that God will help me, so prone to both haste and laziness, to discern the difference between loving with His love and loving with my own. I am probably going to fail at this many, many times. :P In the mean time though, I'll do my best.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
knowledge is essential but not sufficient
teach me to love.
teach me to love truth, love people, and to never see those as two separate things, but rather the same thing.
because if I loved people so little before, can I really say that I ever loved truth?
teach me to love truth, love people, and to never see those as two separate things, but rather the same thing.
because if I loved people so little before, can I really say that I ever loved truth?
Let the Spirit lead
How easy it is to jump to conclusions about what God wants, what He willed/wills, where we are in our walks with Him. How easy it is, like Brother Stearns shared, to be deceived by our own heart (Jer. 17:9) into thinking that a sacrifice that appears noble is true obedience to Him. And how easy it is, with the impatience of Saul, to take the reins when it feels like the Spirit won't be showing up any time soon.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no human mind has conceived. So we cleave to You in Your perfect mercy (not getting what we deserve) and grace (getting what we do not deserve).
“If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."
And,
"Lord, if it's you, [...]* tell me to come to you on the water."
It's another laying it all down on the altar, minute by minute, hour by hour. And it starts with sometimes choosing silence over music, resisting the snooze button, resisting Facebook, saying hi, holding back on the snarky comment, making that phone call, finishing this paper, keeping my word even if it doesn't seem to matter much (I AM SO BAD AT THIS). The small, mundane, unseen (by men) things.
You are worthy of every last little scrap.
-------------
*I learned to use this, like, just one or two hours ago. Are there always supposed to be brackets around the three dots? Have they been teaching me the wrong thing all throughout high school? Whaaat :P
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no human mind has conceived. So we cleave to You in Your perfect mercy (not getting what we deserve) and grace (getting what we do not deserve).
“If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."
And,
"Lord, if it's you, [...]* tell me to come to you on the water."
It's another laying it all down on the altar, minute by minute, hour by hour. And it starts with sometimes choosing silence over music, resisting the snooze button, resisting Facebook, saying hi, holding back on the snarky comment, making that phone call, finishing this paper, keeping my word even if it doesn't seem to matter much (I AM SO BAD AT THIS). The small, mundane, unseen (by men) things.
You are worthy of every last little scrap.
-------------
*I learned to use this, like, just one or two hours ago. Are there always supposed to be brackets around the three dots? Have they been teaching me the wrong thing all throughout high school? Whaaat :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)