진실하게: sincerely

"Repeatedly in my head, I'm thinking "What should I say?" Perhaps picking and choosing my words at this moment might be the most insincere."

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This blog frustrates me sometimes because I don't know how I can be 진실 without saying it all. And I can't say it all, because some of these things I think only God should know and some of these things I should be telling people face to face instead of random online readers.

Introvertedness can get so exhausting.

Digital Photo with Paul

Paul called me out on Tuesday for not turning in my first photography assignment (which I COMPLETELY forgot about in the push to finish my De Young model). This is a huge fail. I was really excited about this particular assignment, about this class, and about learning from such an admirable artist and human being. AND he let me special register even though there weren't enough computers. *slams head on desk*
I guess this is one practical way for me to give thanks to God. By not being so careless with all these very much undeserved blessings that I take for granted.
I told him that I completely forgot because of the review on Monday, and he said something like "That's the problem with you archis. You are always too engrossed in studio to pay attention to other classes."
Anyways, I'm going to have to prove myself as a good and passionate student with every single assignment during the rest of the semester. Because I am genuinely fascinated by what power there is in photography, as my mom (also taking a photo class) and I discussed through email today. As trite as it sounds, you can say so much about your "inner world" or learn so much about someone else's through a photo, when words and artistic talent come short.
Our first assignment was to pick a photo from another photographer's portfolio and write a story/poem/description about it. I came across a photographer named Mark Menjivar who took pictures of the contents of people's fridges across the country, and called it "You Are What You Eat". The occupation of the owner(s) of each fridge is labelled on the bottom of each photo. Some of these are really quite fascinating. I tried explaining this to Kevin with no success. What do you think?

something interesting someone told me

I always thought that a human being consists of two parts - a body and a soul.
But here's a thought: We are made up of three parts - a body, a soul, and a spirit. Soul does not equal spirit. Spirit does not equal soul. It is possible to connect with someone's soul without connecting in spirit.
Could this mean that I've been confusing soul and spirit the entire time?

Who is wise and understanding among you?

Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
James 3:13-17

Amen.

the week after retreat has been a constant battle against sinful thought after sinful thought, and a constant confusion between godly desire and selfish desire in my heart. I'm too ashamed to write these things down, here, but they are still very much real.
thank You God for convincing me that the four hours of cell group tonight would be totally worth it (as always) and for giving me just the passage that I needed. thank You for people to live life on life with, for nudging me away from the trap of too much solitude, for bringing me back to knowing that I am nothing, just a branch on the vine,
for not giving up on us but continuing to call us to something higher than self.
Let the vision of You be the death of me. Again.