"Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit."

I will never forget what my mom said that one time we were talking about spiritual growth the summer before college.
this is life: you think you're something, then you'll realize you're nothing, you think you're something again, you realize you're nothing once more.
God, make me something by reminding me that I am nothing. over and over and over again.


side note - I wish I read enough of The Brothers Karamazov or knew enough about Dostoevsky to figure out why he began his book with that verse.

post-charrette resolutions

It has been approximately thirty hours since I officially finished my first real charrette. Twelve hours of sleep, six loads of laundry, three nutritious caffeine-less meals, and a roughly four hundred calorie workout later, I think it's time to reflect a little on my lifestyle these past four months and consider all the improvements to make if I want to live old enough to have a shot at building the Real Cool Stuff (architects are late bloomers. the key to success is...to live long.)

1. Coffee. I can drink coffee...before a lecture class, namely Arch and the City. No more 1 AM Coffeehouse visits. I've come dangerously close to cutting myself with my jittery hands too many times, including during yesterday's final five hours.
2. Breakfast. Always.
3. Energy drinks. Never.
4. Late night munchies...Bring fruit/cherry tomatoes/edamame/bread from dinner. If I'm that hungry, those Nature Valley bars under my desk. No more vending machine snacks. Save the funds for materials.
5. Their Possessions. Stop borrowing people's crap and not returning it. Seriously, they're angsty enough as is. Also, you might want to work with them someday. Also, you're supposed to be salt and light.
6. My Possessions. Label, label, label.

7. Sleep. 1 to 7 everyday. I tried 12 to 6 everyday this past month (did 1 to 8 most days, except for Sunday's critical all-nighter) and it was a success. Umma was right, as (almost) always. Did not get as much work done as I wanted, of course, but the work I would have one during the night would have not been much anyways. And would have looked a whole lot crappier.
Sleep will most likely increase my life span. Sleep is a good de-stresser. Sleep is my friend.

8. Pray. Hard. Good opportunities: During breakfast, after MWF dinner, after TR morning classes.
9. Lunch dates. If I want to have friends outside of studio, I have to be intentional.
10. Moozic. Join in on studio conversations once in a while, instead of always being being plugged into music playing on the laptop. If I'm not sure whether it should be work time or social time, ask God.
11. Gossip. Don't do it. Contribute something else to the conversation. Love always protects...
12. Archi crawls, dinners and other hangouts. Go. I don't drink and I don't like talking crap about people, but it means something to them if I show up.
13. Care. Ask how they're doing. Always say hi if you have the chance.
14. Backup. Update the hard drive every once in two weeks.
15. Three meals at Brown. Except before reviews maybe. Do itttt.
16. Remember other classes. Get your tuition's worth and don't skip. And listen and learn.
17. Believe in yourself. I have no practical suggestions...just keep up time with God.
18. Lectures. Go to all of them. Realize the greater world of architecture.
19. Dress up. And enjoy it. Savoring college experience includes finding and liking my own little style, at least for me. Sweats and a t-shirt are not a style.

20. Be smart about time. Maxium work, minimum time. I made the really bad mistake of focusing too much on my final model and making blatantly unfinished boards, even though I had a lot of good crap that I could have pasted on in, like, one hour. It's slightly comforting that everyone thought the model was awesome, but I still have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after five yesterday, and that is no good. My prof is probably unhappy. I am definitely unhappy. I hope my grade doesn't suffer...too much. :'(

Review is on Thursday. I guess there is no use pouting about how much I could have done. Mistakes are mistakes. Just don't repeat them next semester and keep up whatever good habits you did get down.

realism

Dear Hannah,

My Dad shared something very interesting during this week because I always thought that relying so heavily on God and not going by sight is highly impractical. The devotional he shared read that some people are optimists who “camp in pleasures and good memories,” denying the brokenness. Others are pessimists who “focus on life’s losses, losing joy and victory in the process.” But people of faith are realists who “receive it all—all the good and bad of life—and repeatedly choose to know that God really loves us and is constantly at work for our good and His glory.”

Amazing isn't it? That even though we walk by faith, and not sight, we see a reality that most people can't even begin to imagine.

t minus 5 days and 15.5 hours

my neighbors treat charrette week like it's not such a big deal and think that archi work is just like any other work for any other major.

another thing I love about these two. please don't tell them I said that.


final stretchhhhhhh

yesterday's soci 101 reading

And this is the answer from Colleen, a single mother of two who is usually direct and vivacious but now looks at some spot straight ahead of her, where perhaps the ancestor who escaped from the Great Potato Famine is staring back at her, as intent as I am on what she will say: "I don't mind, really, because I guess I'm a simple person, and I don't want what they have. I mean, it's nothing to me. But what I would like is to be able to take a day off now and then...if I had to...and still be able to buy groceries the next day."

Barbara Ehrenreich, Nickel and Dimed