for you have called me child

A thought crossed my mind just now, after I got yelled at for the 45278495th time this week for being just plain stupid.
Bashing myself is not the alternative to self-pity that I thought it was. In fact, it's almost the same thing. It still focuses attention entirely on...myself. And it doesn't get me anywhere.

There is nothing healthy, holy, or humble in this habit that I've kept up for as long as I can remember. God, who is Love, pure and selfless and wholesome Love, does not condone self-abuse. God knows everything about me, much more than I could ever know, yet He loves me as I am, while loving me too much to let me stay the way this way (read a good quote about this somewhere). There is a difference between the cycle of despising myself and wallowing in sin, and the life-giving brokenness that life-giving Abba alone can and will give.

I know so little about Love still...


P.S. A good sense of humor is such a great quality to have. I thank God for everyone in my life who has a good sense of humor - sometimes I get so lost in my seriousness! :)

P.P.S. Speaking of which, I've been so blessed to work for someone with such a great sense of humor and character this summer. Please pray for my boss - he had surgery for his breathing problems and the doctors say things are more complicated than they thought.