Abraham did not choose what the sacrifice would be. Always guard against self-chosen service for God. Self-sacrifice may be a disease that impairs your service. If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for you, go through it. But never decide the place of your own martyrdom, as if to say, “I will only go to there, but no farther.” God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed.

I will offer. I will praise.

To my most faithful enemies who found me tonight during the walk home - Bitterness, Resentment, Self-Pity, Pride, Cynicism, Despair:

What Much-Afraid was shouting up there on the old sea wall was this:

"And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about; therefore I will sing praises unto the Lord; yea I will offer the sacrifice of joy and will praise the Name of the Lord"

As she sang she thought to herself, "It must be really dreadful to be the Shepherd's enemies. Always, always to find themselves frustrated. Always, always to have their prey snatched away. How simply maddening it must be to see even the silliest little weaklings set up out of reach on the High Places and made to triumph over all their enemies. It must be unbearable.

Yea I will offer the sacrifice of joy and will praise the Name of the Lord.

and i'm learning that in dying, you really start to live

that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

moral excellence

“It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgment. But people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake.”

Steven R. Covey

"For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love...
For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 1, NASB

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue..."

2 Peter 1, ESV

Lead me in the way everlasting...
It's time to grow up.

I change during the course of a day. I wake and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else.

Bob Dylan

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is dong its best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to light the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
e.e. cummings

My heart rejoices in the LORD;
In the LORD my horn is lifted high
My mouth boasts over my enemies
For I delight in your deliverance

There is no one holy like the LORD
There is no one besides you
There is no Rock like our God

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

You alone are Father
You alone are Good
You alone are Saviour
You alone are God

despising its shame

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-does-it-mean-for-jesus-to-despise-shame

what if I like how the blueness of a sky breaks my heart
what if I want to linger in the moment of gazing at waves drawn in pencil, the longing for / of an unnamed place at coordinates far, far away

but... sometimes... I'm walking down the street and a shaft of light falls a certain way across the pavement and I just wanna cry. And then a second later it's over.

I Remember Well

to live is Christ

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will not be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Paul, Phil 1:18b-21

Two more months

Just two more months.

Baby steps.

Today, I

• woke up at 6:44am, 8:07am, 9:1?am
• showed up late and soaked to Roman concrete class because the ILB is not the MTA
• ate two Larabars
• chose external hearing aids
• was flagged down in the women's restroom by the lady who forgot to give me my medical record but decided to pee instead of running after me
• was flagged down in the parking lot by the sternest man in a pink shirt I have ever met who said he was about to have my car towed didn't I see the reserved parking sign on the awning five feet above me
• let Taylor Swift finish on the driveway
• emailed figure drawing professor to tell him that it turns out I can't take the course a second time for credit
• ran into said professor two hours later on the way to Anderson (it took us a good three seconds after walking past each other to recognize who the other was)
• kakao-ed with my parents about my mom's stomach, my dad's melting teeth, and that time I was six months old sitting on the sofa between them and I fell and is this why my ears are messed up or was it the car accident in my mom's final trimester
• wrote a blog post because sometimes writing heals even when you're writing about nothing really

That is all. Here's a song.

as simple as a kettle, steady as a rock

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you

if it happens, it happens. if not, that's okay too.


’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life, and rest, and joy, and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

pocket-ing this

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Hebrews 12:5,6

taking captive every thought: t-7 days

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

James 3:13

I might not be where I want to be, but I thank God that I'm not where I used to be.

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thess 5:18

Come, Thou long expected Jesus

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." - André Gide.