all I want

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, God of Jacob.
9 Look on our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 LORD Almighty,
blessed is the one who trusts in you.


Someone must be (or has been) praying hard for me, because this yearning has been especially strong this week. Or maybe because the blurred line between friendship and relationship has been on my mind lately, and I know in my heart that what truly satisfies me is much more than that.
And there have just been so many things to trust God prayerfully for and every time I find the time to meet Him, it spills out like an ocean. More, more, more

WOOOOOOOT God Answers Prayers!

the And/Or

I watched a certain award-winning film three times in a row within twenty four hours last week while making my 16th inch model. A couple years ago my mom and I sat down to watch this movie, and we couldn't even finish half of it because of all the sexual content. This time, I was surprised at how taken away I was by its craft and its meaningfulness, beyond all of the images of pervertednesss and dysfunction. There is so much beauty in the world...

Beauty.

Sometimes it confuses me when I find mesmerizing beauty in the most secular of things. Yesterday P. Hsueh talked about how God wants us to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. A painting does not necessarily have to have a halo or cherub or representation of Christ for us to enjoy it as God wills. We don't have to limit ourselves to listening to songs with "Jesus" in the lyrics. We can enjoy Beethoven and heavy metal. And we can even treat ourselves to occasionally luxuries, which is what my mom has been encouraging me to do even in tough financial times.

So God made beauty in the world for us to enjoy. I understand that and I want to fully embrace that.
Why is it then that I always feel like beauty and God compete for my love and my life? Why is it that beauty (besides nature maybe) seems to always bring me away from God, instead of bringing me to a deeper adoration of Him? I've always had kind of a problem with this, as I itch to grow artistically as well as spiritually.

And, now that I'm at it, why do I feel like my career and God always compete, when my career should be a part of fearing and loving God? I wish my true heart as an architect-in-training, as reflected in how I spend my time and energy, had as much purity and clarity of purpose as the mission statement I've written for myself in my head. I know why I'm here - I have a general idea anyways. But it's hard to live with such a clear focus and God-glorifying dream day by day, hour by hour.

I'm asking questions I already know the answer to. It's just that I've been struggling to invest in gifts from the Giver without idolizing them. I guess it's yet another thing that shall be added unto me when I seek first the kingdom of God.

ah, the kingdom of God...

one more time with feeling

Highlight of the day:
talking to my mom on Facebook chat.
Also, getting fourteen hours of sleep, catching up with Ting over lunch, spending time alone with God in the chapel.

열심히 해. 똥빠지게.

It was a good day.