26

How many slaves work for you?
Too many.

knowing Christ is BETTER THAN _______.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

frustration is really tiring.

I was about to go to bed a very, very angry person. But then I remembered this verse:
"Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent."

Okay. Fine.

Sometimes I just get so tired of being good (I hate this sentence because some part of me ridicules the fact that I think I'm being good)
I don't know why, but I always end up feeling trampled and ridiculed.
I often end up feeling guilty about things that I have no reason to feel guilty about,
and not at all focused on the things I have to repent and be graciously forgiven for.

It's during these moments that I marvel at how wretched I am. And what a humongous claim Jesus sure did make when he said that whoever drinks of him will never be thirsty again.

Please, no critical comments. Please nothing about legalism and condemnation. I don't think I can take it. Unless it's pure Scripture. I would give anything to just be able to speak my mind without being stopped constantly to be corrected of my incorrect thoughts and feelings (oh, grammar too).

This thunder scares me.

God, You are the God of Job 40. You are so beyond me. I am so fragile in this madly spinning universe on the tip of your index finger. God, please know me fully.

THANK YOU STEPH.

Job, like, the most righteous guy evarr even before all the crap happened:

"You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’
My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you."


The book of Job baffles me.

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The battle to proclaim Him Lord over my emotions (frustration especially) really does not end at pencils down, does it.